Well its a new year , and like every other area of your life its time to do some INSPECTIONS! Specifically in the friend zone. While I have amazing friendships (not perfect) I wanted to share with you what God was showing me in this area as I took inventory of my own friendships. One thing about me is I love having friends , but I am hard core introvert who truly loves her own company too. This being said I NEVER had to desperate for friendships because I first became my OWN. However I know the beauty of companionship, and wisdom has led me to some great people. lets start with the basics what is a friend? Friend;a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations. What are some qualities of a GOOD friend? 1.Honest 2.Loyal - not to a fault though 3. Kind 5. Like minded 6. Understanding 7. A Great Listener 8. Compassionate 9. Forgiving 10. Transparent 11. Un-selfish 12. Loving 13. Consistent 14. Accountable 15. Patient Ok these are the ones I would like to hightlight and help you do not only an inspection within your circle of friends ,but also yourself. Now that we have identified what a friend is Lets talk about what a friend IS NOT!!Let me be clear I am not the "perfect" Friend , but I am a darn GOOD ONE! This didnt happen over night either . Like any other relationship it has to be perfected over time. Trial , error , forgiveness and LOTS of GRACE!
One VERY important factor to a friendship is that the person you are friends with actually is your friend because of YOU ,and not what you can for them. Some people only want you in their life so you can be of good "use" to them. If your friends only praise you when you do something for them ,and not just because they LOVE YOU thats a clear indication you could be being used. At the end of the day if you couldn't buy them anything , do anything for them , do they still value YOU. Its VERY important that you know the difference. On the other side identify this as their love language. Some of your friend may love through gifts and service. However do not let them take advantage by setting healthy boundaries that work for YOU! Friends hold you accountable! They don't let you slack on your greatness and when you mess up they allow you grace to get it right. You need people around you who won't you let settle in ANY area of your life. You need loving friends. Some people have horrible friendships because their heart posture is out of place. Most people haven't mastered how to love themselves. Heart inventory ASAP. Clear it out so you can let someone in. John 15:12-14 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. Lets move on.. You don't want to have a relationships with someone who cannot effectively communicate. Lets face it nobody will EVER agree on anything. You may not always get along. As you grow with people, they change ,and so does their life. Can you handle an argument without parting ways due to offense? So many great relationships end simply ,because people don't know how to talk to each other. Imagine how many healthy friendships you could've been saved simply by knowing how to properly communicate. Communication led by emotion isn't wisdom, its foolishness. Practice Pausing before reacting . Sometimes you just need to pause before speaking something you wont mean when the height of your emotions comes down. Learn the art of Forgiveness... Yes meaning someone can wrong you ,and you not cast final judgement on them. I am probably the MOST forgiving person I know. Seriously God gave me a different Kind of gift when it comes to forgiveness. Now wisdom will tell you the proper boundaries to set, but wisdom will also tell you to get over yourself and not miss what God has for you too. Discern outside of your emotions. If you are cutting someone off every season let me be honest with you...the issue is you. Its not healthy to always have an issue in friendships. If you find yourself always offended or in "cut off " season I strongly urge you to do some introspection of your heart. There is no such thing as a perfect friend! PERIOD! Boundaries... this is a biggie. There should be things your friend have access to ,and some they just don't. ITS OK TO SAY NO! Say it out loud! Seriously like there are some boundaries I am not willing to budge on. For instance I don't loan money out. Not my thing. I feel as my friend you shouldn't be broke. I show people how to make money daily , and theres no reason why anyone should be my friend and broke. Its just a rule I established that keeps money from EVER being the reason a friendship falls apart. I have done it in the past successfully and unsuccessfully, but this is the way for me. Another boundary I DONT MIX all my friends. Tried it didn't work. I have some VERY special friendships I am not risking by mixing. In my experience when you mix too many friends someone tried to divide a friendship with someone. Theres always something said behind someones back. The real question Ive always had was why did they feel comfortable enough to say it anyway?Now your boundaries could be with your spouse (meaning advice etc), kids , car , clothes ( I don't lend clothes either), whatever "it" is establish it and don't budge. Your REAL friends will respect your boundaries. You want to especially have boundaries with liars , and anyone who cannot be consistent. There is grace for everyone. Remember Jesus still loves the liar when you don't so who are you to judge? Now this is all I have for you. Let 2017be a year you become A GREAT friend , and also ready to receive good friends. Its ok to say you know what I haven't been that great of a friend and I need work. Work on it , apologize to those needed and move on. You don't want to be bitter holding onto baggage. If you are still talking about old mess from years ago MOVE FORWARD . If you have been a good friend KEEP IT UP ,and be the example. We live in a world where people need each other. More unity , Grace , and LOVE :) Heres some word to back me up :) Proverbs 18:24A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. John 15:13Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. 1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” Proverbs 27:9 Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Hebrews 10:24-25 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Job 6:14 “He who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty. Proverbs 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. 1 Peter 4:8-10 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: John 15:12-14 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. Blessing! Jennifer Michelle M
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